11 October 2008

Chinese Democracy: Bad Music for All

Gosh. I just realized that I really haven't written much in the last month or so. I've felt a real lack of inspiration, I guess.

But then I heard that the long-awaited (15+ years?) Guns n' Roses album Chinese Democracy is finally and officially being released on November 23rd, 2008.

There are a few things that I have really looked forward to happening in my lifetime: the uncovering of the identity of Deep Throat (that ended up being a little bit of a let down), the election of a black Pope (not yet, but I still have my fingers crossed), a woman in the White House (no comment), the inevitable aging of Brad Pitt (he's totally going Redford right before our eyes), and the release of Chinese Democracy, which I believe will prove to be the biggest musical train wreck, maybe ever.


1. This is only a Guns n' Roses project if you believe that Axl Rose is Guns n' Roses. Rose has worked with, literally, scores of musicians on this project including several ex-members of GNR, Dave Navarro, Buckethead, Brian May, and everyone's favorite celebreality television whore, Sebastian Bach. There are various reports about who actually has ended up on the album, but with so many different musicians (and probably hundreds of mixes), I really question whether the album can attain any kind of coherence.

2. In every clip I have seen of any GNR or Axl Rose solo performance in the last 10 years, it has been incredibly clear that Rose has lost both vocal power and range. He's pushing 50, and just doesn't have the pipes he used to have.

3. This recording has been plagued with problems, not the least of which is that Rose is a "perfectionist" (see more on this in item 4), and has rerecorded and remixed every song on the album over and over and over again.

4. Axl Rose is mentally ill. I'm not sure what his DSM diagnosis is, but he is, by turns, reclusive, paranoid, megalomaniacal. And he is the "genius" behind Chinese Democracy. Good times.

5. Finally--and this is the most awesome thing about this "masterpiece"--CD is only going to be available at Best Buy. This is terrific. For all of Rose's blustering about what an artiste he is, and what an important work of art CD is, the fact that he has an exclusive deal with Best Buy shows him for the shameless self-promoting, money-grubbing hack that he is. No one can convince me that Best Buy is rock n roll.

Luckily, I won't have to buy myself a copy of the album, as I am sure that my little brother won't be able to hold himself back. After all, I just want to listen once. And then I want to read reviews. And then I want to laugh. And then. And then I'll be looking for something else to look forward to.


Old Man Duggan said...

But at least all of us will get a free Dr. Pepper. Dr. Pepper, understanding that some great things take time, offered to give everyone a free Dr. Pepper if Chinese Democracy came out this year. This was an unprovoked gesture in my understanding.

fsk said...

I beg to differ about the Brad Pitt thing. Unless you think that time has been good to Robert Redford--which I don't really think it has. He looks weathered. But I saw Burn After Reading a few weeks ago and quite coincidentally saw Thelma and Louise again a few days later--his big break role. By comparison, he looks quite good now!

jbro said...

I heard about the whole Dr. Pepper offer, and I will be standing in line to get mine, but I'd like them to make it a diet...also I believe you were referring to brad Pitt looking weathered...also I doubt your brother will actually buy it. I'll prolly just download it like usual...

James said...

Are you going to follow up on this post now that Chinese Democracy is available? Because I really want to know your opinion of the album. I feel like you could just write about G'n'F'n'R all the time and I would be happy.

Almost all of the comments for the album are from weird foreigners who feel the need to identify themselves within the comment because the little icon doohickey obviously isn't enough, or basement boys who just write "I got it!" or "Awesome shit, dude!" but they kind of look like guys who live off a strict diet of Spaghetti-Os and Hawaiian Punch and pretty much think everything put in front of them is the most awesomest shit ever. Basically, suspect.