To my brother: I hear things have been a little rough in the great white north. Don't let the bastards get you down.
To Colorado: Way to be the first rats off the sinking ship, and welcome to the Pac 11.
To Baylor: Guess you guys are conference shopping. Good luck with that.
To Adam, with the adorable floppy hair: I would have been so super psyched if you and your drunk little friends had come to sit with me and my friends when I was your age. Want a piece of advice? Keep "You have to help me out here. I'm out of my element" in your pick up arsenal. You can get away with that for another few years. It's disarming. Have a good time drinking whiskey in Molalla tomorrow night. Happy 21st birthday.
To the Stray Cats: My apologies for butchering your song tonight. It was meant as an homage. Best intentions and all.