09 March 2009

Very Important Query

Why are coffee sleeves ubiquitous now?

I mean, I try to remember to bring my own coffee mug, but I don't always. And then I get a paper cup, which I already feel sort of guilty about. And now they just AUTOMATICALLY put extra cardboard around my coffee every time it is in a paper cup. This is too bad, for a few reasons:

Most of the time I get an Americano with (cold) soy milk. The soy milk cools the coffee down easily enough that I can hold the cup comfortably without something between my hand and the cup.

I have 2 reusable sleeves of my own that I pretty much always have with me (whether I have a mug or not). One of them is silicone and pink and works beautifully. The other (a recent birthday gift from a thoughtful friend) is black, beautifully designed, and can actually also be worn as a bracelet. But I don't get to use them. Unless I take off the cardboard sleeve, which seems kind of rude after someone went to the trouble to put it on.

It also just isn't very (and I HATE this term, by the way), green.

Coffee with milk almost NEVER requires a sleeve. And if you are one of those assholes that orders your latte "extra hot" or--worse yet--at a specific temperature, you deserve burnt hands.

So what I am saying is this: can we go back to the days when the sleeves were optional? Please.


qwanty said...

I was given a coffee sleeve the other day that had Doogie Howser, MD on it for some reason.

James said...

In the Frankfurt School class, DJ was talking about the insidious rise of the Java Jacket, and concluded it with, "I mean, come on! What kind of a candy ass can't just grab a napkin!" I miss that guy.

Old Man Duggan said...

All right, as a semi-professional latte slinger, extra-hot orderers are fucking tool bags. I'd like to kick each and every one of them in the fucking nuts--I say 'nuts' because every single one of them is some dude who thinks they're being hardcore when they're ordering a fucking latte. If you were hardcore, you wouldn't be ordering a fucking latte, douchebag. I'm OK with someone ordering lattes, but under no circumstance can adding milk to coffee be perceived as being hardcore, so fucking stop it. If you wanna carry yourself like you've got sack, you fucking order a coffee and learn to like it retard. Extra hot means scald my milk because I'm a fucking half-wit. Fuck.

Old Man Duggan said...

Oh, and sleeves are for people who keep their hands in rubber gloves with vaseline while they sleep. And given my last comment, you can imagine how I feel about them.

Venom be spewin'.

KRD said...

Q: ?

J: Hello, lovebug! I miss DJ too. He's an unusual dude . . . And I miss the Frankfurt school! I'm going to bust out some Adorno--just for fun. And I miss you!

OMD: OK, I rant about this all the time to my students (because they are a captive audience). Dudes need to stop ordering chick coffee drinks. Immediately. The biggest turn off in the world is some idiot walking around with some sort of huge iced thing with a foot of whipped cream on top. It's gross, and it makes them look seriously pussed-out.

Marcus said...

I don't drink coffee, but whenever I order a Midori Sour or an Appletini, I immediately go pee standing up or kill a forest creature.


KRD said...

I totally almost mentioned appletinis in my previous response. They are also VERY unmanly.

I have told this story before, but it deserves repetition, particularly for those who have known the Byronatron. We used to have a handful of places that we'd go for drinks. One of them was South Park. When we went there, we'd sit outside in the summer and I would like to order their cosmos. Not a drink I drink all the time, but I like theirs. Anyhoo, one time we were sitting outside and he says to me, "Hey, can I try that?" He must have been curious for a long time before that.

Anyway, this led to him ordering Cosmopolitans EVERY time that we went to South Park. And it wasn't like we were inside, in some secluded, dark corner either. We were on the sidewalk, downtown.

Strangely, I thought it was not that unmanly, and sort of sweet, which may just mean that I thought I was in love. I like to think I've grown since then.